Same Class Romance: Where Does It Lead To?
By Kehinde Ayoola
It is quite common and desirable for an eighteen-year-old undergraduate to have a sweetheart in the same campus. Some get romantically involved in their second or third year, but the relationship hardly ever makes it to the next level. It is quite normal for young men to start showing interest in most eighteen-plus ladies. If you are in this age brackets and your phone has neither been ringing nor SMSes coming in at odd hours, then I will not blame you for getting a little worried. Perhaps I should rephrase what lam saying in a more acceptable term: if you are twenty- plus and you are not attracting sufficient attention from the opposite sex, it will certainly help if you take a second look at your communication skill, your sense of humour, adornments and dress sense, the places you visit or avoid visiting, the fellowship you attend and of course the company you keep.
On a more serious note, I am aware that romance often eats deeply into a student’s CGPA. Nothing wipes out a CGPA more than it. If the time spent getting acquainted, thinking and dreaming about one’s partner is anything to go by, the time left for competitive studying will have been circumvented one way or another. This is probably why many studious students delay having serious relationships while they are still in the University. Such students probably operate with the maxim: “Seek ye first your Two-One and all other things can follow later.” It makes sense, especially for guys who have longer shelf lives (or expiry date if you like) and whose catchment area gets broader with their improved material prospects.
Maybe I should express myself a little bit clearer. If the ideal age for a woman to get married is twenty- five (in my opinion), it is only reasonable and responsible for a twenty-something-year-old lady to nurse thoughts of marriage once in a while. On the other hand, if a man could wait till say thirty or thirty- five, then he may choose to wait until he passes out of university before starting the search for his queen.
I have serious reservations about same class romance. This is because the relationships between African couples thrive better when the man is materially and emotionally higher than the woman. Unless the man is in such a vantage position, it will be difficult for his wife or wife-to-be to look up to him, not to talk of respecting him. Truth must be told. It is not easy for a lady to respect her buddy or former classmate. She might have heard or seen too much about him to remain focused. The same applies to the man. Both lovers’ opinion is immaterial now, but later in life, both parties may wish that they hadn’t known each other for so long.
More importantly, while the woman is likely to be ready for marriage a year or two after NYSC, the guy who is probably just going to twenty-four then is likely to start thinking that there are more important things to worry about in life. He wants to boost his finances so that he can take a mini-flat, buy a car and kit himself up as appropriate. Marriage is the last thing on his mind. The woman too may observe that the man does not measure up to her present and future expectations. Telephone calls become less frequent and there is less to talk about during free midnight calls. With either or both parties doing too much thinking, a spanner is thrown into the wheels of romance and the relationship begins to wax until it wanes no more.
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